Art of Listening

• Listening is an art that when done well can deliver tremendous benefits which are useful in your professional, social and personal life. It is key to have better human relations. The goal of listening well is to achieve win-win communication. Win-win communication not only increases understanding, affirmation, validation, and appreciation, but it also creates an atmosphere of trust, honour, and respect. When someone truly listens to us, we feel special. So everybody wants to be treed as special.
• There is a growing realization of the importance of solid (concrete) listening and communication skills in business, social life and human relations. The lack of attention and respectful listening can be costly leading to mistakes, poor services, misaligned goals, wasted time and lack of teamwork and poor human relations. That is why all specialized training programs start with a foundation of listening skills. You can’t sell unless you understand your customer’s problem; you can’t manage unless you understand your employee’s motivation and problem and you can’t gain team consensus unless you understand each team member’s feelings about the issue at hand. People cannot understand you unless you understand others. How to listen is more important than listening. By listening in a way that demonstrates understanding and respect, you cause rapport to develop, and that is the true foundation from which you can sell, manage or influence others. Let us study a simple incident which explains us the importance of listening.

Subhash, a dispatch clerk in M/s National Roadways in Mumbai, gave Maganram, a new driver, an assignment to go to Nagpur to make a goods delivery. When Maganram arrived in Nagpur, he called Subhash for further instructions. As Subhash gave Maganram the necessary information, Maganram got a strange feeling that something wasn’t quite right. Maganram asked Subhash for the complete address, which was M/s Zuber Industries, Rafi Ahmad Road, Nagpur, Uttar Pradesh. Well, Maganram was in Nagpur, but it was in Maharashtra. Maganram was thousands kilometre away from where he was supposed to be. Not only did this cost the company time and money, but also the owner of the goods was not pleased. What caused this expensive mistake? Ineffective listening by both parties. In his haste, Maganram didn’t listen to all the information that Subhash gave him, and Subhash neglected to get accurate acknowledgement from Maganram stating that he understood the instructions.

• let’s take examples of good listeners. Think of how best doctors listen before making a diagnosis. After asking, “What’s wrong?” the best doctors (specialists) listen attentively to the patient’s words and tune in to any unusual symptoms. They write them on case paper. While being keenly aware of what’s “going around,” doctors listen so as not to jump to any conclusions. Then, after retrieving through all the available information, the doctor paraphrase, confirms and summarise the information and can make an accurate diagnosis.

Guidelines for Good Listening:

Give Speaker Your Undivided Attention:

• When somebody wants to talk with you, put everything else out of your mind and actually be there with them while he or she are talking. You cannot possibly listen to them if you are thinking about other things you would be doing, or have to do. Remember that someone who listens well easily establishes rapport with others. Good listeners attract others because they focus on the speaker completely.  Listen closely to your intuition.
• The best example of this is to observe how blind people communicate. Since they do not have the gift of sight, they focus on their other gifts and develop them. Their hearing is acute, and they can “people read” by focusing on a person’s voice, tonality, speed, attitude, and the words that the person uses.  Those of us whose business depends on the telephone should use the same method of listening. Be physically and mentally present in the moment.

Listen To What Is Actually Being Said:

• This is especially true if you are in disagreement. It is very easy to pick out the things in what your speaker is saying that you want to hear and can throw back at them. Many time people listen to react. Good listeners never do that. Mind that this is not some college debate competition where you score points for winning an argument.  Your actions here and now will dictate the course of the rest of your relationship with the Speaker.
• Pay attention to the logical content of what someone is saying but be mindful of how he says it to discover his true feelings about the subject. A person’s feelings are key determinants in decision-making. If you listen to emotions rather than words, you will notice that you have a deeper understanding of how decisions are made. You must tune out your own reactions and emotions if you want to be an active listener. Selective filtering happens when the listener only hears those parts of the conversation that confirm his/her own opinions and views. Don’t be a selective listener.

Look At Them When Speaker is Talking To You:

• Have you ever tried to talk to someone that refused to make eye contact with you? It is very disheartening, especially when you have something important to say. When talking with your Speaker, actually look at them and not around the room. Make looking casual don’t make the speaker conscious.

Notice The Hidden Emotional Tone Of Your Speaker:

• Very often, the Speaker won’t say exactly what is on their mind straight away and it is up to you to draw them out. By looking for his emotional tone, through their body language, voice inflexions, words used etc., you will get a very good indicator of what is actually bothering them and also how it is affecting them.
• Listen by using the ears to “hear” the message, the eyes to “read” body language (when listening to a person), the mind to visualize the person speaking (when on the telephone), and intuition to determine what the speaker is actually saying. Match the momentum, tone of voice, body language, and words used by the speaker. Please use common sense when matching.

Don’t Disturb The Speaker:

• Don’t interrupt the speaker, which makes the speaker feel that what he or she has to say is not important.  Don’t finish the other person’s sentence. It implies that the listener already knows what the speaker is about to say. Don’t Change the subject without even realizing it. Don’t Look at your watch, signalling that you are wasting his time and the speaker is wasting your time.
• Provide the silence necessary to encourage speech.  Active listeners spend 70% of their time listening and only 30% of their time talking.

Take Notes If Required:

• Always be prepared to take notes when necessary. That means having writing tools readily available. But keep in mind don’t think to take notes important. Your main activity is not to write notes but to listen. Be attentive.

Acknowledge Your Speaker:

• To say “I understand” is not enough. People need some sort of evidence or proof of understanding. Prove your understanding by occasionally restating the core of their idea or by asking a question which proves you know the main idea. It is required to prove that you understand and not only listening. A correct acknowledgement can very often completely resolve a dispute in one go. It has a two-fold effect. First, It tells the Speaker that you have heard and understood what he or she are saying and second, It makes them feel better by releasing some of the emotional baggage that may have built upon the subject.
• When there is a lot of emotional baggage attached to a situation, it is good to acknowledge them by repeating in your own words what he or she have just said to you. Repeat the information your speaker sharing with you by saying, “I hear you saying … Is that correct?” If the speaker does not agree, repeat the process to ensure understanding. If you are good at language try to paraphrase the information given by the listener. But care should be taken that the contents given by the speaker are not changed. Remain curious and ask questions to determine the accuracy of understanding the speaker.

Remain Calm:

• If the Speaker is angry, very often he will lash out at you because you are there and you are someone he can take their frustration out on. While this may not be pleasant and the ideal way to handle a situation, realize that it is just a way for the speaker to vent and resist the urge to get angry back, it will only make things worse. See that you take other views seriously.
• Sometimes it helps to tell people, “I appreciate your position” or “I know how you feel.” You have to prove it by being willing to communicate with others at their level of understanding and attitude. We do this naturally by adjusting our tone of voice, the rate of speech and choice of words to show that we are trying to imagine being where he or she is at the moment. Listening to and acknowledging other people may seem deceptively simple, but doing it well, particularly when disagreements arise, takes true talent.

Let Your Body Speaks:

• Your body language is also important. Face the other person. Make eye contact with the Speaker, take cues from the other person as to how much eye contact he is comfortable with. Adopt an open posture. Try to relax as you interact with the other person. Be alert to listen with ears, eyes, and mind. Lean discreetly toward the other person, not threateningly.

Concluding Listening:

• Ask questions to clarify and to check assumptions. Ask probing questions. Clear up misperceptions re-state or paraphrase them. take out the volatile phrases or language. This is called “laundering” language and it can reduce friction.
• Summarize facts and feelings. Reframe issues, focus on the interests, not positions. Try to communicate directly with the other person.  Find the key points or issues. know when to bring to closure and when to test for agreements. Be forward thinking, try to focus on the future.
• Remember that effective listening can open many doors. If you listen with your eyes, your ears, and your mind, you will always get the information you need. These are the techniques to be a good listener. Now the other part if you are is in the position of speaker and somebody else is listening to you, which is not a good listener, then following are the steps to handle the situation. You can categorize yourself in the given classification and can improve your listening skill.