Techniques For Good Listening

• In school reading, writing, learning taught but listening is not given importance. Knowing why someone is a poor listener can help you to relate better to them. We cannot expect that poor listeners can be transformed overnight. Listening remains a two-way street, taking a combined effort as well as understanding from both sides.
• Improving someone’s listening skills is not as simple as talking louder. Understanding the problem, accurately assessing and identifying their individual limitations and following up with prescriptive training or appropriate management techniques can lay the groundwork for improved communication. Or simply you can make sure that your points get across and that your objectives are met.

Types of Bad Listeners:

Self-Absorbed:

• Such individuals place their own priorities above yours. They may be opinionated, stubborn or perhaps overly driven to have you agree with them. As a result, they come off as “knowing it all” and not really having the time or desire to listen to anyone.
• When dealing with self-absorbed individuals, have them repeat what they hear. The intention is not to mimic but to understand and clarify what was said.  Periodically, it may be necessary to remind them not to dismiss an idea before considering it fully. Self-absorbed individuals need to learn that he doesn’t have to agree with others in order to listen. This realization can help them work toward being more open-minded.

Unfocused:

• Typical tip-offs of unfocused individuals are a messy desk, constant forgetfulness and an inability to finish what he starts with. Unfocused individuals need direction and structure in order to accomplish their goals. Their inability to remain focused prevents them from fully understanding and taking action on what he hears.
• One technique is to give them only as much information as he actually needs to get the job done. If priorities change, simply give them new instructions. While our style may be to share with others the overall picture, this can overwhelm unfocused individuals. He deals best with one-step at-a-time instructions.
• Another technique to use with unfocused people is to try to prevent outside distractions when talking to them. Also, occasionally ask more questions to see if your message is getting through. In this way, unfocused individuals will realize that you expect their complete attention, and your probing will encourage them to ask questions about those things he doesn’t understand.

Rules-Driven.

• Although capable of listening, these individuals have a tendency to be overly cautious. They focus on minor details so much that they are unable to see the big picture. Their blinders become like earplugs too, and they only hear part of what is being said.
• Meet them where they are. Individuals who are rules-driven may be the trickiest of all to handle. While they hear, they do not relate to anything outside of their comfort zone. The problem begins when they are confronted with a project or request that doesn’t fit neatly into what they are accustomed to. Their immediate response is to bring to your attention all the reasons why something can’t be done, instead of taking the time to look at what you really need. It is important to recognize this when you are trying to get your message across on an approach or project that they do not agree with.
• Keep in mind that these individuals are probably more preoccupied with the potential impact of what you are saying rather than on what you’re actually saying. He is probably thinking something along the lines of, “Don’t he realize what is involved in doing this?” or “This is going to mean a lot more work for me.” Making your expectations clear up front can help ease the concerns of rules-driven individuals.
• He’ll feel more comfortable if you can explain a new project within the confines of the rules with which they are already familiar. If you are telling them something that will rearrange their priorities, be very explicit about your new expectations. Rules-driven individuals can spin their wheels and worry unnecessarily when things are changing. You can save lot of time by making them understand and feel comfortable with the “new order.”

Some Important and Effective Techniques For Good Listening:

Paraphrasing:

• Restating a message, but usually with fewer words. Where possible try and get more to the point.
• Purpose:
  • To test your understanding of what you heard.
  • To communicate that you are trying to understand what is being said. If you’re successful, paraphrasing indicates that you are following the speaker’s verbal explorations and that you’re beginning to understand the basic message.
• When to Use:
  • When you want to know what speaker is thinking and what are his/ her feelings.

• Example – 1:
  • Speaker: I just don’t understand, one minute my boss tells me to do this, and the next minute to do that.
  • Listener:  Your boss really confuses you.
• Example – 2:
  • Speaker: I really think he is a very nice guy. He’s so thoughtful, sensitive, and kind. He takes my advice a lot. He’s fun to chat with.
  • Listener: You like him very much, then.

Clarifying:

• The process of bringing vague material into sharper focus.
• Purpose:
  • To untangle unclear or wrong listener interpretation.
  • To get more information
  • To help the speaker see other points of view
  • To identify what was said
• Clarification by the listener:
  • I’m confused, let me try to state what I think you were trying to say.
  • You’ve said so much, let me see if I’ve got it all.

Perception Checking:

• Request for verification of your perceptions.
• Purpose:
  • To give and receive feedback
  • To check out your assumptions
• Perception checking by the listener:
  • Let me see if I’ve got it straight. You said that you love your children and that they are very important to you. At the same time, you can’t stand being with them. Is that what you are saying?

Summarizing:

• Putting together, organizing, and integrating the major aspects of the dialogue is called summarizing. Pay attention to various themes and emotional overtones. Put key ideas and feelings into broad statements. DO NOT add new ideas.
• Purpose:
  • To give a sense of movement and accomplishment in the exchange
  • To establish a basis for further discussion.
  • To Pull together major ideas, facts, and feelings
• Example:
  • We have discussed the problem a lot. Let us summarize the discussion. . The three major points of the discussion are…

Primary Empathy:

• Reflection of content and feelings
• Purpose:
  • To show that you’re understanding the speaker’s experience
  • To allow the speaker to evaluate his/her feelings after hearing them expressed by someone else
• Basic Formula:
  • You feel (state feeling) because (state content)
• Example:
  • Student: I just don’t know how I am going to get all this math homework done before tonight’s game especially since I don’t get most of this stuff you taught us today.
  • Teacher: You are feeling frustrated and stuck with math you don’t know how to do and you’re worried that you won’t figure it out before you go to the game. 

Advanced Empathy:

• reflection of content and feeling at a deeper level.
• Purpose:
  • To try and get an understanding of what may be deeper feelings
• Example: 
  • I get the sense that you are really angry about what was said, but I am wondering if you also feel a little hurt by it.
  • You said that you feel more confident about contacting employers, but I wonder if you also still feel a bit scared.